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| xiu xiu has a song for every shitty aspect of my life, which is pretty great !
UHHHHHM POS IS COMING TO SAN FRANCISCO IN LIKE EIGHT DAYS & I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO ATTEND THAT.
goodbye. | |
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| THEY HAVE AS MANY EYES AS A PINEAPPLE. I AM THE DUMBEST BITCH ON THE PLANET.
the boy I like thinks my best friend is cute.
c: | |
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| it feels retarded, I want you to like me. will you be there tonight? do you mean it when you say what you say? fixing up my hair, I want to impress you. today and everyday, okay, okay okay, okay. so what do you want? I want to be careless too. so much waiting, so much sitting alone. when you say what you say, it's not what I thought, it's really nothing at all. I'm not who you want, alright, alright alright, alright. bunny gamer, stand up, bunny gamer, where have you been all of my life? bunny gamer, take me with you, okay, okay okay, okay. bunny gamer, sit down, bunny gamer, where have you been all night? bunny gamer, leave me alone, alright, alright alright, alright.
lol. | |
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| I keep on steering for you, I keep on steering for you.
fucking Timothy replied to my text last night, & only to one of them. he didn't maintain a conversation with me, he didn't even have anything to actually say. it really has me unable to focus. I was trying to work on moving on & realizing he'd never come back into my life, but maybe I'm wrong now ?
I don't know. he has done some weird fucking things to me. I don't even know if I should look at that text as a positive thing. I think I was kind of being able to manage shit on my own. it is so strange how everything happens.
two dreams he comes back. one on wednesday night after I got my tattoo, & that's the day he logged on. no dream thursday night, but a lot of mental suffrage. friday night dream. saturday he texts back. maybe these are coincidences, maybe they're signs. I don't know, I can't tell because I don't really believe in shit like that, but there were signs when he broke up with me, too.
I remember once he told me that I should just start smoke a shit load of weed & I took that advice & it was some of the best advice I've ever listened to.
I want everyone to know that Timmy isn't a bad person, he just makes bad decisions & sometimes is influenced by the opinions of others friend or foe is regardless.
I know too many things about one person, except I don't remember what his favorite animal is & not being able to remember pisses me off. But your favorite color is green & I hate your stupid beard. | |
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| BIG, FAT SACK OF COKE.
too bad that's fucking make believe in my life.
oiserjgoiejfes
I wish I could just cut all the parasites out of my life,
but I'm so worried about what they are going to do & how guilty I will most likely feel, I put myself through hell. I'm a giant fucking piece of shit who can't stick up for herself very well in stressful situations. I just got a $150 dollar tattoo, had a great dinner with my mom & two of my best friends AND I AM ON THE VERGE OF FUCKING LOSING IT. I wish I didn't feel the need to depend on people, but I just wish that I could have one person in my life who I could turn to without of a fear of consequences. I am so sick of feeling alone every day of my life. I'm alone in a room full of people. I want to be able to sit down with someone & have a good talk & not be afraid to cry & have them tell me "I know, it's going to be okay. I understand." & when they say it, I want to feel their sincerity, know that they know instead of hoping that they have a fucking clue of what I'm talking about.
I've never had such a difficult time connecting or relating with people in my whole life. & let me be the one to say that this is ultimately the shittiest feeling someone can have. that no one gives a shit about you, your opinions or your feelings & it's even worse than when you think someone will be there, they're not. because they're too busy being selfish & putting themselves before they're friends.
I ALWAYS fucking put my friends before myself & I always have. maybe I need to stop because all it's doing is turning me into a shittier, angrier person every day. & I feel like I need to explain that to everyone. I'm not mean, I just have a lot of personal fucking battles going on that I clearly can't fight on my own.
fuck my life.
I'm ungrateful & jaded.
by the way.
I like a boy who will probably never notice my poor shitty attempts to talk to him.
FUCK EVERYTHING. | |
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| I really wish I could stop this overwhelming feeling of misery & disappointment.
I feel like I'm being suffocated, & I don't know what to do. : /
I just had a talk about being self sufficient,
so why can't I do that now ?
I just want to talk to someone who fucking gets it.
& not just says that they get. I want to be able to tell that they do. - Mood:blah
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| putting your high school portfolio online is dumb.
especially when you go to a school where no one does anything besides talk shit to each other.
hello, my name is megein
& I AM OVER YOUR LITTLE KID BULLSHIT.
I seriously don't know how much longer I can tolerate this.
it's a physical task to wake up & come here.
I remembered why I left the last time, because things were never going to get better here.
& they still aren't better.
no one here has any of their shit together.
especially the staff.
roisejfoesjfiosfhoeifjoes
fuck you. - Mood:irritated
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| guess what yall.
I'm going to the hospital to have a lip ring cut out of me.
fuck my life.
c:
basically, I didn't take care of my angelbites,
so the one of the left go so swollen & infected,
that the flat back of the post was pulled through the hole,
& covered in tissue.
tiiiiiight.
I'm a fucking idiot, sometimes. - Mood:irritated
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| I can't handle major alters in my appearance that are not welcome.
it's so self-shattering, that I can't leave my house or the room I'm staying in without of the fear of someone seeing how ugly I am. The left side of my angelbites is infected & swollen, it looks like I got into a fight. I can't handle it.
I don't know what to do.
I'm getting my dermal implant tilaka today. I'm scared.
I'm going back to Reno tomorrow.
I can't concentrate. - Mood:cranky
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